LOOKING FOR A ZECHUS

Looking for a ZECHUS was my father’s essence. Again and again, no matter what happened, he was always looking for a ZECHUS.

He embodied and lived the lesson Chazal taught us, “תן בלבנו, שנראה, מעלות חברנו  ולא חסרונן”

“Hashem, have our hearts perceive, the merits of our friends and not their failures”.

In the home I grew up, it was common place for my mother to always say, “Daddy is already looking for a Zechus”. Whenever a situation arose, where someone could possibly be blamed, my father would immediately figure out some kind of reason, how to justify a behavior and how to excuse the person supposedly at fault. Then he said in Yiddish, “פארקיק מאן קינד, פארקיק”

 “Overlook my child, overlook” There are two ways to view every incident, either positively or negatively. It is our choice to pardon, or condemn. To forgive or carry a grudge. To aggravate a situation, or calm it down, by overlooking. We need to ask ourselves, what lifetime goal,  we wish to pursue. Do we want to enhance peace, or increase strife, whenever challenged? It is interesting to note, that much of what we experience

in life relationships, is dependent on our perception and reaction. We need to truthfully ask ourselves, why we find it so difficult sometimes to give someone else, the benefit of the doubt? Is it about our pride? Let’s be real. If we were more humble, would we pay much attention to every infraction we are faced with?

At the end of the day, our stature in life is not raised by putting others down. On the contrary, it is only by building others up and finding a ZECHUS for them, that we merit Hashem’s blessings. We only build a happy cohesive family and society through kindness, forgiveness and understanding. When we emulate Hashem’s ways and search for a ZECHUS, for the people around us, then when we mess up, Hashem also gives us the benifit of the doubt. Our main goal must always be to create peace and harmony, at home, in Shul and in all our other relationships. Want a Zechus, find a Zechus.